I stumbled across Article One last week when doing a little
research on gubernatorial pardons.
Immediately, I was intrigued.
How come we don’t we use titles like that these days?
Yes, they’re old fashioned and stilted. And yes, it would sound ridiculous if the denizens
of the State House suddenly started talking like the cast of Downton Abbey.
But maybe, just maybe, a little more formality would go a
long way toward reminding us and our elected officials that they play very
serious and consequential roles in our society, and that the words they use
with one another in transacting the people’s business do matter.
Words can elevate the human spirit or run it down with equal
effectiveness. They can inspire
generosity as easily as anger. They can
create good or bad memories that each endure with remarkable persistence.
Toying with my hypothesis that a more formalized language could
change life within the State House for the better, I decided to spin out
two scenarios. Each is based on an
imaginary, chance encounter between the Governor of Massachusetts and the House
Chair of the Joint Committee on the Judiciary on one of the Capitol’s
magnificent marble staircases.
In Scenario 1, the language is common, like what most of us
hear every day. In Scenario 2, the
language is what it could be if our leaders today somehow willed themselves back
to the time when our state constitution was written and adopted.
I must emphasize that I definitely was not envisaging or projecting any individual who has actually been
the governor or the judiciary co-chair into either scenario. I’ve put these words into the mouths of
completely fictional human beings. This
is a thought experiment only.
Scenario 1
Chairman: “May I have a word with you?”
Governor: “Depends. What word are you thinking of?”
“Whiffer Williams.”
“Oh, your friend, the aspiring justice. Middlesex County’s gift to the bar.”
“He’d make a wonderful judge.”
“Every friend of every burnt-out lawyer says something to
that effect.”
“You wound me.”
“Not hard to do. Your
veins are close to the surface, Mr. Chairman.”
“Whiffer is a good man, and a good friend. When will you place his name in nomination
before the Executive Council?”
“May I ask you a
question.”
“Yes. Unlike you, I’m
not afraid to give an answer.”
“When is your committee going to release my court reform bill?”
“Hard to say.”
“Only if one wants to make it hard.”
“It is not I who is making it hard.”
“Who then?”
“The people I work for.”
“Your fundraising committee?”
“The voters of my district, of course.”
“Name me one constituent who has spoken to you against
court reform.”
Chairman (smiling): “I never break a voter’s confidence.”
“But you don’t mind breaking Whiffer’s heart.”
“Look, Governor, there are so many things I can do for your
administration. And this is such a small
matter. Such an easy matter!”
“Let’s talk about easy when that bill comes out with a
favorable report.”
“The Globe would not like to hear of such horse-trading.”
“Only a horse’s ass plays games in the dark with the Globe.”
“Speaking of asses, how’s your legislative director doing,
the Little Professor?”
“Any time you need to buff up your office operation, I’ll be
glad to lend him to you.”
“Go to hell!”“You’ll be there first. Your career’s already dead.”
Scenario 2
Chairman: “Ah, Excellency.
Good day!”
Governor: “Representative!
As I live and breathe, it is the Honorable House Chairman of Judiciary. Good day to you, Sir.”
“Excellency, may I have a word?”
“Approach, Your Honorableness. What is on that marvelous mind of yours?”
“Excellency, I speak now on behalf of a dear friend -- a
barrister of renown throughout the Commonwealth: the Honorable Wilfred
Williams.”
“Ah, yes, the gentleman who aspires to the bench in the
District Court of Eastern Middlesex.”
“Nothing would please me more, Excellency, than to see his
nomination advance forthwith.”
“Yes, I see. Yes. Yes.”
“Then may I convey to The Gentleman your wish to submit his nomination?"
“Oh, such eagerness.
How endearing! Like a young
racehorse, you are: always bolting
toward the prize.”
“Is that hesitation I hear? Some hidden doubt, perhaps?”
“Honorable Representative, this is not the time or place to
explore such complexities.”
“How then shall we ‘explore’ them, Excellency?”
“I shall dispatch my legislative director to your office
next week. You may speak with him in
total confidence. And I trust he may do
the same with you.”
“On my word of honor, Sir.
We shall speak as gentlemen and scholars. He, like all Harvard men, is uncommonly
mature for his years.”
“Good Day, Sir.”
“Good Day, Excellency.”Governor (turning back, smiling): "One more thing, Mr. Chairman! The young scholar will be bringing a copy of my court reform bill to the meeting."
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