Entries I Won't Be Submitting to MassDOT Contest Promoting Good Driving Habits

I was glad to see that the Massachusetts Department of Transportation is running a contest to come up with more good safety slogans like, “Changing Lanes, Use Yah Blinkah!”

You may recall seeing that on all those flashing highway signs a few months back.  First they’d flash, CHANGING LANES?  Then they’d flash, USE YAH BLINKAH! 

The message went viral and MassDOT reaped a ton of favorable publicity.

Now the agency has launched a contest asking the public “to get creative and help stop bad behavior behind the wheel.”  They want us to submit catchy messages in one or all of following categories: Road Rage, Distracted Driving, and Seatbelt Use. 

There will be one winner in each category, with winners receiving various gift cards from vendors at the service plazas on state highways.  The winning slogans will be displayed on hundreds of message boards around the state, according to this staggered schedule:

• Road Rage Winner, August 15-18 (MassDOT says that, based on 2013 toll data, this is “a top 10 travel weekend.”)
• Distracted Driving Winner, Labor Day Weekend
• Seatbelt Use Winner, Columbus Day Weekend

Space on the message boards is very tight.  You almost have to be a haiku master to attempt something like this.  Messages have to be composed in two “panels.”  The first panel contains the message set-up, the second panel the pay-off.  Each panel has space for three lines, and no single line may exceed eight characters.

I think I could handle the space limitations. But I’m not confident of my ability to achieve the proper tone, and not all that eager to try for it.  Something about driving on crowded highways dominated by overly aggressive drivers inevitably brings out my dark side.  Even thinking about it gets me agitated.

In a looser, less repressed world, a world, say, where every place was like New York City at rush hour, contests like MassDOT’s would at least give honorable mentions to those who eschewed “cute.”  Until that world materializes, I will have to content myself with blog posting not-ready-for-prime-roadways messages, stuff like this:

ROAD

RAGE

LEADS TO

EARLY

ONSET

DEMENTIA

 

YO,

BIRD

BRAIN!

GET OFF

THE DAMN

PHONE

IRRITATE

LIBER-

TARIANS:

WEAR

YOUR

SEATBELT


POSTSCRIPT & UPDATE:  Here are the actual winners in the Highway Message Board Contest, as announced by MassDOT on August 14:

Road Rage Category

KEEP

CALM

AND

DRIVE

ON

Distracted Driving Category

PUT DOWN

THE PHONE

YOUR LOLs

AND OMGs

CAN WAIT

Seat Belt Use Category

MAKE

YAH MA

PROUD

WEAR

YAH

SEATBELT